State of the Union Address

The State of the Union address George Bush should have given...

My fellow Americans. I come to you with distressing news. The state of our Union is not good. Your government, under my direction, has utterly failed you in almost all areas.

You are being governed by a culture, not of life, but of corruption. That corruption, and a general lack of interest in policies we don't believe in, has led you to be less safe today because my administration has encouraged our enemies and alienated our allies.

And for many of you the future does not look promising. My party, the Republican Party, which has controlled all branches of government for the past few years, lacks the discipline to control spending without doing so on the backs of the poor. As a result we turned a budget surplus into long-term record deficits.

In addition, my fellow Republicans are in the middle of what many have called one of the biggest corruption scandals in many years. While I and others have dishonestly tried to say that Democrats were equally involved, in reality Democrats saw their contributions decline among the involved tribes once my fellow Republican Jack Abramoff got involved. Luckily for me that is a point the media has for the most part ignored.

Another area we have ignored has been Afghanistan. More than four years ago Osama Bin Laden organized an attack against this great country. Our reaction was to pursue a half-hearted commitment to finding him in Afghanistan and instead went after Saddam Hussein to finish what my father and his cronies would not.

Instead of pursuing a strategy to "Finish Afghanistan First," we needlessly involved ourselves in a war that might have been avoided. Our occupation has enraged people throughout the world and destroyed a once-in-a-lifetime reservoir of goodwill afforded to us after 9/11.

But we didn't forget 9/11. Domestically we turned 9/11 into a political opportunity, as a way to question the patriotism of those who dared to question us. In this area I can stand here tonight and say we were very successful. Through a dishonest and distasteful campaign I was able to get a tiny majority of voters to support me and my radical agenda.

Another election is only 10 months away and I can assure you that while we may forgotten, or never learned the lessons of 9/11, we will not forget how to use 9/11 to overcome our inherent weaknesses.

You see if votes were counted accurately and completely in 2000 I would have never been President. It was only through the efforts of members of my party and justices on the Supreme Court that we were able to overcome the will of the people.

Tonight I am pleased to say we have another soldier to help us in future battles with the approval of Justice Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court. I can't tell you how good it made me feel to hear his views opposing the one-man, one-vote principle.

For those of you who believe our callous, dishonest and uncaring actions will hurt us in November, remember we have spent the last decade working to ensure that elections turn out in our favor.

Even though our reaction to Katrina, our bungling of the budget surplus, our damaging of the environment and any number of other failures might enrage voters, until talk radio raises these subjects we won't have to worry.

We don't care because we don't have to. Thank you.